Cruel Truth
by silvermoonsparkling
Summary: PG13 because it's a very upsetting storyline. Snape's life from age 7 to ? See reviews for author's note.
1. Death Eaters

Cruel Truth  
  
Chapter 1 – Death Eaters  
  
Severus Snape was a highly unusual boy in many ways. He was about six or seven years old, with black hair, pale skin and a hooked nose which he had inherited from his father. He was crying in his bedroom; a dingy room with grey curtain which were supposed to be white, an off-white ceiling, bare floorboards and peeling, faded wallpaper. He sat upon a hard iron bed with plain sheets, clutching a filthy rag, which was all he had for a teddy. His teddy bear had been burnt by Lucius Malfoy some months ago. Severus remembered it well. Lucius was a big boy, 12, in his second year at Hogwarts. Severus was scared of him, but he played with him, because, well... because he had no-one else to play with, and he needed somewhere to go to keep out of his father's way. Lucius was like a brother to him.  
  
***  
  
Severus and Lucius had been playing that day – it was in the summer, so Lucius wasn't at school - by the big stone fountain in the courtyard of Malfoy manor.  
  
"Let's play Death Eaters!" Severus had been wary; each time Lucius suggested playing a game, he always seemed to end up playing the muggle, the prisoner, Lucius' servant or anybody else who didn't get to do anything interesting.  
  
"What's that?" he had asked finally.  
  
"Don't you know what a Death Eater is?" scoffed Lucius. "Oh, of course you wouldn't. you're just a baby."  
  
"No I'm not. I'm not a baby."  
  
"Oh yeah? How come you still sleep with a teddy bear, then?"  
  
"I don't. that's babyish."  
  
"Yes, you do. I've seen it. In your room." Severus just shook his head. "I bet you need it to go to sleep," mocked Lucius, "little baby Sevvikins, still sleeps with a teddy bear. I bet you wet the bed, too." Severus flushed. He had wet the bed, once or twice. He would sometimes lie awake for hours, worrying about it. He knew he'd get a beating if his father found out. He wondered how the other boy knew. Suddenly Lucius interrupted his thoughts by shoving him hard in the back. "Go on then, go and get your teddy bear. We can use it in the game."  
  
"I... I can't. my father says I'm not to take it out of the house."  
  
"I dare you" Severus considered this thoughtfully for a moment. If he didn't get his bear, Lucius would certainly beat him up, but he didn't really want it included in this new game. Lucius advanced on him, his wand raised. Severus took the hint and ran home to fetch his teddy.  
  
The game was a long and complicated one, as usual, but unusually Severus was allowed to be a Death Eater, with the muggle being played by the bear.  
  
"So, what do we do now?" asked Severus, after a long but strangely one- sided battle, won by Severus and Lucius, who tied the unfortunate teddy bear to a stick stuck into the cobbles around the fountain. Lucius looked thoughtful for a moment. Severus got the distinct impression that he didn't know very much more about Death Eaters than he did himself.  
  
"Um, well... Death Eaters kill the muggles they catch by eating them"  
  
"Like clannibles?"  
  
"Cannibals, you idiot. No, cannibals kill them first. Death Eaters take huge bites out of their bodies while they're still alive!"  
  
"You mean we're going to eat him? I mean it?" Severus quickly corrected himself.  
  
"Not raw, we're not Death Eaters, stupid. No, I think we should barbecue it!"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Let's set it alight!" there was excitement in Lucius' eyes that Severus had never seen before. He watched as the older boy prodded the bear with his wand. It started to smoulder. Severus wrinkled his nose at the acrid smell of smoke and tried hard not to cry. Lucius grinned at him. He forced a grin back. He was quite good at fake emotions. He'd have to be, with his father how he was. That night he'd cried himself to sleep, when he was alone only he allowed himself tears. It was the same this night. 


	2. Broken glass

I expect you want to know why Severus had been crying that night.

He'd had his glass of milk before he went to bed, as usual, but just as he was putting the glass by the sink, he tripped and dropped the glass, which smashed at it hit the edge of the counter. Glass went everywhere. Severus stared in horror at the mess he had made. Sure enough, he heard the roar of anger from the lounge, where his parents were sitting. 

"Severus!" his father bellowed, striding into the kitchen and standing over Severus, who was trembling on the floor. "Get up!" he spat, grabbing his son roughly by the scruff of his neck and pulling him upright. Severus was too afraid to meet his eyes, and so studied his own bare feet instead. "What's this?!" he shouted, pointing at the broken glass.

"I'm s-sorry, f-father. I-it was an ac-accid-dent." Mumbled Severus, terrified. 

"Clean it up! Now!" Severus jumped and went to fetch the dustpan and brush. He started to brush up the glass. "Hurry up!" growled his father. "Don't take all night, boy!"

"Leave him be!" said his mother. "He's only a child."

"Don't you tell me what to do, Celine!" Mrs. Snape opened her mouth to protest, but quickly closed it again. Severus was limping slightly; he had stepped on a fragment of glass. "Quicker, Severus! Stop limping!"

"Alabastor, he's got glass in his foot. If I could just-"

"No! and stop crying, Severus, or I'll gave you something to cry about!" Severus sniffled, quickly trying to stop his tears. His foot was becoming more and more painful as the glass worked its way further into his heel. "Quicker, boy, quicker!" Severus dropped the dustpan and fell to his knees, crying with the pain and the constant fear of his father. "Get up! Stop snivelling and get up! Don't ignore me! are you ignoring me, Severus? Right, that's it. Come here." Severus ducked the blow his father aimed at him and ran on his tiptoes out of the kitchen. His father followed, enraged. He chased him up the stairs and into the bathroom. Severus locked the door, sweating and panting. He took his injured foot in his hands and hopped over to the sink. He was just going to run the tap, when – "Alohomora!" the door burst open. Severus stared, frozen for a terrified second as his father advanced on him, wand abandoned in the hall, fists raised and fury etched into every line of his face. Severus' mother stood helplessly in the doorway. As Alabastor Snape aimed a kick at his small son, Severus crawled in between the sink and bath and pressed himself against the wall, desperately trying to make himself smaller than he actually was. Suddenly a hairy arm reached in and grasped Severus by the wrist. His father yanked him out of his hiding place, bashing his head on the sink bowl as he did so. With his other hand he pinned him to the wall by his throat. Severus choked. He couldn't breathe. His mother grabbed her husband's arm and tried to loosen his grip. Alabastor seemed now to change his mind, and grabbed Severus' wrist again and dragged him to his room. Each step Severus made left a spot of blood on the carpet. His father threw him down on the floor, next to his bed. His mother went to help him up, but – "Leave him!" growled his father. "Pathetic little worm."

"That's our son you're talking about!" screamed his mother, hysterical. "_Our son!_"

"Our son... our son. I never wanted a child. He was an accident. A mistake!" he spat at Severus, who, lying on the floor, was listening to every word. They stung more than every kick, slap or blow his father had ever given him.

"No!" cried Celine, her voice shaking. "Never a mistake. An accident, maybe. But I still love him! Don't you?"

"Don't talk bullshit."

"It's you who's the mistake. You drink too much. You're drunk now, look at you! You're not the man I married, Alabastor. Not when you-" she cried out in pain as her husband's fist collided with the side of her head. Severus could take it no longer. He sprang up, tears of anger welling up in his eyes.

"I hate you!" he shouted at his father. "I h-" He was knocked down before he had even finished the second sentence. His nose was bleeding and filling his mouth with blood. Stars winked in front of his tear-filled eyes. Before he had time to cry out again, his father was kicking him, again and again. After about five minutes, which seemed like hours, Severus' mother succeeded in pulling his father away.

"Come to bed, Alabastor! You'll kill him! Come on, leave him now! Leave the child alone!" and he followed her out of the room. Celine closed the door carefully and got her husband into bed. When he was asleep, she crept back across the landing to see how her son was. She was not a hard-hearted woman, and the sight of her child still lying on the floor crying, hunched up with the pain, was too much for her to bear. She burst into tears as quietly as she could and crouched down beside him. "Severus, Severus, it's me. come on, it's safe now. He's gone." Severus lifted his tear-stained, bloody face slowly to meet hers.

"It hurts" he whispered.

"I know, darling," she said, choking as she tried not to let him see her cry, "I know. But let's get you into bed, see if you can get some sleep."

"Did he hurt you too?" asked Severus, once in bed, reaching up and touching the side of her face gingerly with his fingers. 

"No, sweetheart," she said, taking his hand in both of hers. "No, not really." She sighed.

"Mother?" asked Severus after a while

"Yes dear?" she stopped, looked at him.

"What if we just ran away? We'd be OK, you and me." Severus' mother gave a dry laugh.

"It's not as simple as that, my darling. Your father – well, he's made it very difficult for me to have contact with the outside world. You and him are the only friends I have."

"What about Mrs. Malfoy?"

"Her?" Mrs. Snape looked revolted. "Put it this way: if she had a brain cell, it would be lonely. Anyway," she paused, "I love him. How can I leave him when I feel like that? you're young, darling, so you won't understand. But one day you'll fall in love, and then you'll see what I mean. Love is a powerful thing. Goodnight, darling, please try and get some sleep." She kissed him, smoothed the covers. "Would you like me to leave the door open?"

"No, thank you. Goodnight, mother. I love you."

"I love you too, darling. God bless." She closed the door. The 'God bless' was habit. She'd stopped believing in God long ago. Inside his room, Severus began to cry again. 

And that was why he was crying that night.


	3. The Owl

On the 20th July, 1967, Severus Snape got an owl. He had never got an owl before. It was addressed in green ink;

_Mr. S. Snape  
The Smallest Bedroom  
7 Mortcroft Place  
Wiltshire_

His mother caught his eye and smiled at him across the table. He quickly sat on the letter as his father walked in. He ate his cereal hurriedly and rushed up to his room to open the letter.

Dear Mr. Snape,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of al necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely

Minerva McGonagall  
Deputy headmistress

Severus could hardly contain his excitement. He had often heard Lucius speak of Hogwarts, and he had been wondering what it would be like to go there for almost four years now. Now he was definitely going! He eagerly tipped out the rest of the contents of the envelope. There was only one other sheet of paper, which was the books and equipment list.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Uniform  
_First-year students will require:_

Three sets of plain work robes (black)  
One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear  
One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)  
One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings) 

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

Set Books  
_All students should have a copy of each of the following_

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) _by Miranda Goshawk  
_A History of Magic _by Bathilda Bagshot  
_Magical Theory _by Adalbert Waffling  
_A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration _by Emeric Switch  
_One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi _by Phyllida Spore  
_Perfect Potions (Volume 1) _by Nicholas Yardley  
_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _by Newt Scamander  
_First Counter-curses and Jinxes _by Maurice Boulter_

Other Equipment  
_1 wand  
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)  
1 set glass or crystal phials  
1 telescope  
1 set brass scales  
Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad_

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

He was poring over the list so intently that he jumped when his parents entered the room, both looking proud to his relief.  
"Oh Severus! I'm so proud of you!" said his mother, hugging him. "We'll have to take you shopping to get all your books and-"  
"_I_ will take Severus to Diagon Alley to purchase his school supplies."  
"But Alabastor! I- I haven't been out of the house for over 10 years now!" she pleaded  
"I will take Severus to Diagon Alley" repeated Alabastor in such a final tone that she was discouraged.  
"Why can't she come too, father?" asked Severus innocently.  
"Don't question me, Severus" warned his father. "Hurry up and get ready. Come on, Celine."

The first place they visited in Diagon Alley was Ollivander's. Severus almost glowed with pride as he picked up the first wand Mr. Ollivander placed in front of him.  
"Give it a try" he said. Severus waved the wand and a frail puff of black smoke was emitted from the end. He looked at it in surprise.  
"Oh," he said, "Was it supposed to-"  
"No. Try this one." Mr. Ollivander snatched the wand from his grip and placed another one in it. This time nothing happened when Severus waved the wand. Nothing happened for the next few, either, until Mr. Ollivander pressed a black wand into his had. This wand felt somehow different under his fingers. He waved it. A shining streak of something silvery hung in the air for a moment, before morphing itself into a serpent and then exploding like a firework. Mr. Ollivander smiled at him, gazing with misty eyes as he spoke to Severus;  
"Fourteen inches. Ebony and unicorn tail-hair. I hope I shan't see you in here again, young sir. An Ollivander's wand will last you a lifetime, if you take care of it!"  
"Thank you" said Severus. His father paid for the wand and they left the shop. They visited various other shops, to buy his potions ingredients, books and robes.  
"Let's have a drink" suggested Severus' father. Severus hesitated. Although young, he was old enough to see his father for what he was - an alcoholic. He followed Alabastor into the Leaky Cauldron nevertheless. His father ordered a firewhisky and a butterbeer for his son. Severus tasted the butterbeer gingerly, and found it delightfully warming, almost spicy but still sweet and creamy. He licked the foam from his lip and looked up to thank his father.  
"That's alright, son. Would you like to try a bit of this?" he indicated the firewhisky. "It's a man's drink. Try it."  
"Okay" answered Severus shyly, taking the whisky glass from his father and taking a small sip. He coughed. The amber liquid felt like it was searing his throat all the way down. He quickly took a large gulp of butterbeer. His father laughed at him and clapped him on the back.  
"Well done, son." He decided to have another one. Severus, knowing his father wouldn't be this good-natured when he'd had a few more, tried to interest himself building a house of beermats. After a while, father and son left the pub and went to open a bank account. After that, Severus' father told him to wait while he went and did some 'important business'. "And don't wander off!" he called as he strode off round the corner. Severus assumed he was either doing something illegal, or going to have some more drink. He kicked a stone about moodily for a while, hands in his pockets, watching some boys about his age who were crowded around another boy who was explaining football to them. After a while they started to kick a small ball around and Severus moved to avoid being hit by it. He sat down on the kerb and examined his wand carefully. Even this lost its merits after a while, though, so he wandered into a dingy alleyway with shops that looked... _much_ more interesting than the ones he had visited with his father. He stopped himself. "Don't wander off!" had been the last thing his father had said to him. He struggled internally for a few more moments before his curiosity overrode his conscience. He peered closely into a shop window displaying shrunken heads and ever-snarling stuffed leopards - but mutated leopards. Something was wrong with them. Severus peered closer, trying to work out what it was, when suddenly somebody else was peering back! Severus jumped back in surprise, crashing into his father, who quick as a flash had him pinned up against the wall around his neck.  
"I told you to wait back there!" he snarled, his face very close to Severus'.  
"I-I'm sorry, father!" he choked. He wondered briefly why no-one in the almost deserted street seemed to notice or care how his father was treating him.  
"I've been looking for you everywhere! Why didn't you do as I asked?!" Severus could smell the alcohol on his breath; evidently he had had another drink then.  
"I don't know! Why do you drink so much?!" he shouted, struggling. His father slapped him across the face.  
"Don't you speak to me like that! We're going home!" he growled, dropping Severus and pushing him towards Diagon Alley and the muggle world. Severus got in the car and immediately looked out of the window, stubbornly staring all the way home.


	4. Blood Brothers

As soon as the car stopped he scrambled out and ran - where, he didn't know. As far away from him as possible, though he could hear him shouting after him.  
"Hey, Severus!" somebody else shouted. He stopped running for a second, turned round to see Lucius Malfoy.  
"Lucius!" he addressed his only friend gladly, "help, I need somewhere to hide. My father's after me!"  
"Quick, in here!" Lucius pushed Severus through a hole in some bushes he hadn't noticed before. Lucius scrambled in afterwards. "So, um, what? How come your dad's after you?"  
"We were in Diagon Alley and he told me to stay where I was and I didn't" Severus sounded bored, but he was simply tired.  
"Shit, your dad's fucking-" Lucius broke off and put a finger to his lips. Severus held his breath and hoped his loudly beating heart wouldn't give him away. The two boys watched Severus' father's feet walk past, stop. Severus trembled violently inside the bush, willing his father not to notice the gap. After what seemed like an age, he walked off, muttering. Severus let the breath out, feeling dizzy.  
"Put your head between your knees" whispered Lucius.  
"Why?" Severus whispered back  
"To stop you fainting. You've gone all pale."  
"Oh" as he was feeling light-headed, Severus did as Lucius suggested. After a while he looked up. "Thanks."  
"For the head-between-your-legs thing? Or the hiding place?" Lucius' smile was gently twisted.  
"The hiding place. I'd be so dead now."  
"Won't you be so dead when you get home anyway?"  
"Oh. Shit, yeah. I hadn't thought of that."  
"Why don't I ask if you can stay at mine tonight?"  
"You can try..." Severus was doubtful.  
"Okay, come on then"  
"Now? I thought we were going to wait till it got dark or something."  
"In fucking July? You mental?" Lucius crawled out of the hedge. Severus followed,. They walked up to Malfoy manor together and let themselves in.  
"Hello, Lucius. Nice walk? Oh, hello, Severus! Will you be wanting tea then?"  
"Yes please" mumbled Severus. Lucius didn't answer his mother.  
"No problem. It'll be ready about seven, I'll call you boys down."  
"Alright, mum" said Lucius, already halfway out of the kitchen. They both climbed the stairs to Lucius' room, where Severus sat down on the bed. Something made a rustling noise. He stood up and removed a magazine from where he had been sitting. "Hey, give me that!" Lucius went red as he snatched the magazine back. Severus stared, wondering why he had a magazine full of naked women.  
"You know all those times I fell down the stairs?" asked Severus suddenly.  
"Yes..." answered Lucius, faltering.  
"Well, I didn't. That's just what father told me to say. The only time I ever fell down the stairs was when he kicked me down them once." Severus looked bitterly at the floor, fiddling with a loose thread in his T-shirt. Lucius was silent for a moment. Then-  
"I know. I knew all along. Why did you tell me the truth?"  
"I don't know," Severus shrugged, "You're... you're like the brother I never had. I always wanted a brother. How'd you know, anyway? About my father I mean."  
"Just put two and two together, I guess. You know, I always kind of thought of you like a brother, too."  
"Really?" Severus stopped fiddling with his shirt and met Lucius' eyes. He nodded. The two boys sat in silence for a moment or two, until Lucius broke the silence.  
"Tell you what," he said.  
"What?"  
"We can be blood brothers!" there was an excited sort of light dancing in Lucius' eyes which Severus had seen before.  
"What's that?" he asked, warily.  
"Blood brothers. I'll show you." Severus was still cautious. He had eleven years' worth of bad memories of Lucius 'showing him' things. His suspicions were further aroused when Lucius, rummaging around in a drawer, extracted a small, battered and blunt-looking penknife from it.  
"What are you going to do?"  
"Don't worry! I'm just going to make a little cut in your thumb. If I can get this bloody knife to cut." He added, looking bad-temperedly at the knife. "It's blunt! Fucking blunt! Hey-" he remembered Severus had been to Diagon Alley. "You got your wand yet?"  
"Yeah" said Severus. "It's here- wait, what are you going to do?"  
"Not me, stupid. You. I'm not allowed to do magic... but there's no rules against you doing it that I know of! Right. Point your wand at the knife and say 'Vervicius'"  
"Vervicius" Severus repeated obediently. He pointed his wand at the knife. "_Vervicius!_" Lucius picked up the knife and tried cutting some parchment with it. It worked.  
"Bonus!" murmured Lucius. "And no owl yet... they would, if he wasn't..."  
"What are you on about?" asked Severus.  
"It worked. And, there's no owl from the ministry of magic! So I reckon you're free of that restriction."  
"What restriction?" Lucius rolled his eyes.  
"The restriction of under-age wizardry, of course!"  
"Oh" said Severus. Lucius took Severus' hand and pierced the knife blade into his thumb. "Ow!" he complained while watching Lucius stab the knife into his own thumb.  
"Ew, don't suck it, you vampire! Let the blood flow a bit." He clenched his fist and Severus saw the blood well up in a little scarlet bead. He did the same. Lucius then pressed his thumb onto Severus', letting their blood mingle.  
"What's this for?" asked Severus.  
"We share the same blood now. Better hope you haven't got AIDS or something." Lucius grinned. "So, we're like brothers now. We share a blood bond. If one of us gets in trouble, the other helps him out. Simple."  
"Alright" said Severus, removing his thumb from Lucius'.

He had never felt less alone.


	5. Travelling to Hogwarts

As the weeks went on, Lucius used Severus' ability to perform magic to its fullest extent. He taught him all the curses he knew, warning him that he'd need to stick up for himself at Hogwarts. Severus was starting to feel slightly nervous about attending the wizarding school now. Although, he considered, it would definitely be worth it to get away from his father and the constant arguing he did with his wife. But all of a sudden, or so it seemed to Severus, it was the last day in August. The night was clear, quite mild, and Severus strolled back to his house feeling nothing more than slight trepidation of tomorrow. He'd packed his trunk and neatly folded his robes, polished his wand, read all his schoolbooks at least three times each. But as he drew closer to the house his heart sank as he heard the angry shouts of his father. Cautiously, he looked through the kitchen window, half-hidden by the limp green curtain hanging by the side and partly drawn. His mother was wincing as his father twisted her arm behind her back, snarling. She cried out;  
"Alright! You win!" he let go of her arm, a horrible, satisfied smile on his face. Severus hated seeing that. He wanted to smash the window with his fist, a feeling that intensified as he saw a glimmer of tears on his mother's cheek. He slipped in the back door and quietly climbed the stairs to his bedroom, closing the door immediately and silently. He lay on his bed, looking miserably at the ceiling.  
"Hogwarts has to be better than this place," he said quietly to himself, lying there for hours listening to the distant sounds of his mother sobbing. His father had gone out to the pub. Severus considered going to her, but couldn't seem to summon up the energy to move. Eventually, the sobs died down to an almost silent level, and Severus presumed she must have gone to sleep. It was about 1am. He could see the moon through the window from where he lay. He must have fallen asleep, too, because the moonlight suddenly became brighter and filled the room with its iridescent beauty. He got up off his bed, went to the window, and opened it. There was an owl outside, flying towards him - or was it an owl? He slammed the window shut as he realised what he was seeing was a swarm of hornets. They buzzed angrily against the glass before swooping down towards a giant red bush on the ground, which burst into flame and disappeared, along with the hornets. Then it began to rain. The rain got heavier and heavier, until the sound of it falling on the roof was almost deafening... Severus opened his eyes and blinked a few times, realising the sound he had taken to be rain falling on the roof was his father tapping on the door. Well, tapping was a bit of an understatement. A more accurate description would have been almost knocking the door down. Clearly he was in a very bad mood. A hangover would be the cause of that, Severus thought grimly. And banging doors around all over the place wasn't really going to help... oh well. He wasn't likely to tell _him_ that. He got out of bed and dressed quickly and quietly before trudging downstairs.  
"What would you like for breakfast, Severus, dear?" asked his mother as he appeared in the doorway. She looked strained. Severus noticed a shadow of a bruise beginning on her face. It wasn't the first time he had been greeted with this sight at breakfast. His father sat at the table, sleeves rolled up, head resting on his hand, eyes screwed up. He held a mug of steaming tea with his other hand. His dark hair was beginning to turn grey.  
"Just some toast, thanks," he replied, "I'll make it." He crossed the room towards the toaster and put a slice of bread in. He caught his mother's eye and she looked away, embarrassed, as she saw the look of concern Severus wore. He took his toast as it popped up and sat down at the table to eat it. "What time are we leaving, father?" he asked politely as he spread butter. His father glared at him across the table. He quickly turned his attention to his plate.  
"Half eight." he said curtly, catching Severus' eye with a steely glare which made him look away again. "If you've finished your breakfast, you can go and make sure you've packed everything properly. I'm not wasting time and money sending stuff on to you that you've forgotten." Severus put the last piece of toast in his mouth and left the room. Once in the corridor, he was aware of how tense the atmosphere in the kitchen was. He shrugged the feeling off and ran up the stairs two at a time, happy to be getting away from here at last. "Severus!" growled his father from below. "Do you have to make such a racket?" he didn't answer the question, but slowed down to a walk so as not to make any noise. Once in his bedroom, Severus sat down on the bed, fingering the ticket which had come with his second Hogwarts letter. It was printed on thick parchment; almost card; and in green ink, like the letter.

Hogwarts Express  
Kings Cross Station, London  
Platform 9¾  
11:00

It said. He glanced around the room. Everything was in its place, all tidied away. You wouldn't know a boy lived here, Severus thought suddenly. In Lucius' room, even in termtime there was evidence of him. A jacket carelessly left on the back of a chair; the bed unmade; dirty magazines hidden under the bed, probably, he thought, grinning. Mrs. Malfoy didn't often clean in Lucius' room. But here... here all of Severus' (very few) possessions were packed away in his trunk, ready to take to Hogwarts. It was as if he had been wiped from existence. He heard his father shouting from downstairs.  
"Coming!" he replied, dragging his trunk out of the room and down the stairs, outside, into the car. The journey wasn't pleasant, to say the least.

Severus began to feel nervous again as his father drew up outside the station, found a parking space, (by magic, one could only guess,) and accompanied him onto the platform. His father generally avoided crowds when he was sober, and Severus noticed he looked strained and almost nervous himself.  
"Right, son. Let's just- let's just keep this short." Severus couldn't care less whether or not his father said goodbye to him, or how long or short it was. "Study hard. Make me proud. See you at Christmas... or in the summer, maybe. Send me an owl. Have a good time." He clapped a hand on Severus' shoulder, waved and retreated into the crowd. Severus looked for Lucius, and after a while spotted him chatting to a boy with messy brown hair.  
"Lucius!" he called. Lucius broke off his conversation and he, the boy with brown hair and a few others turned to stare at Severus. He felt very small.  
"What?"  
"Can I sit with you? On the train?" Severus didn't notice the brown-haired boy draw a finger across his throat, but Lucius did.  
"Piss off, you little freak!" he said incredulously. The brown-haired boy laughed, as did a couple of others behind him.  
"We ain't having any snotty little first-years in our compartment!" said a girl, chewing gum and tossing her head haughtily. She blew a bubble, which popped. Severus felt stung by this reaction.  
"But we're friends!" he cried. "Bl-"  
"Yeah, whatever." Lucius interrupted in a careless tone. "See ya later, alligator!" for some reason the rest of them found this hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. The girl blew more bubbles at him. Severus walked away and left them to it. He decided to go onto the train and find an empty compartment. Most of them were occupied, but he found one right at the end which had nobody in it. He slumped down on the seat and waited for the train to start moving. He didn't have a watch, but he guessed that about five minutes had gone by before a crowd of third-years had joined him.  
"Anyone in that one?"  
"No... well, some first-year kid."  
"Oh, he won't mind. Will you?" he addressed Severus, who shook his head.  
"Alright, we can go in here!" a girl called down the corridor. Two boys and four girls entered. Severus resigned himself to digging through his trunk in search of the little black notebook he had found behind the sofa and filled with the curses Lucius had taught him. He flicked through it, mouthing the words to himself as the almost unbearably hot day slowly cooled to icy night. He had a system he had developed for himself, to make long lonely hours he spent by himself go by quicker. He couldn't explain how it worked, it just came naturally to him. It came as a shock when one of the third-years spoke to him.  
"Scuse me," she said, "Scuse me, I don't know your name, but would you like some chocolate?"  
"Oh! I mean, yes, please. Sorry."  
"No need to be sorry. We're going to be there soon, do you think you should get changed? What is your name, by the way?"  
"Severus. Yeah, okay. I'll go in the toilet"  
"It's outside and to the left. My name's Mia." She handed him a square of chocolate.  
"Thanks." He took it and his robes and went to change in the toilet, thinking maybe Hogwarts wasn't going to be that bad, if all the people were like Mia. It was quite dark when he got back to the compartment. Mia and her friends were playing Exploding Snap. They didn't ask him to join in, but he didn't want to anyway. Severus pressed his nose against the window, trying to make out anything beyond his reflection in the glass.

That night was a strange one for Severus. Although a combination of the excellent food and travelling all day seemed to have made the other boys in his dormitory fall asleep almost immediately, Severus remained awake. He sat on the windowsill, breathing in the chilly night air and gazing at the stars. He wondered about his mother - whether she was alright. He felt almost guilty for being here, safe, while she was at home... with him. Severus would have cut off his own hand rather than admit it, but he missed her terribly already. A midnight breeze blew through the window, and it was the raw feeling on his cheeks that this gave him which made Severus aware that there were tears coursing down his face. He sniffed and quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his pyjamas, lest any of the other boys should see, and crept back to his bed, where he drifted at last into fragmented sleep.


	6. A Short Note

Hello all.  
My God! I am so sorry... I know this story seemed to kind of die for a while. Actually, it's still alive and well.... I've just been unbelieveably busy for... a long time. :( Well, rest assured there is still a lot to come. At this exact moment in time I'm redrafting some of the earlier chapters, and I have a lot of new stuff that I just haven't had the time to type up! So no ideas when this is coming, but at least one chapter soon (hopefully!) If you want you can all send me annoying emails to remind me... Eh, any excuse not to do college work 0.0 Can I thank all the reviewers again? Well, in case you didn't get them the last time I'm replying to them all personally again, in date order....

duj: Hey there. Possibly my favourite reviewer, thanks :) I actually am using your first paragraph of my first chapter mostly for my redrafts. (I changed it a bit. But thanks.) And also your suggestion for chapter 2, that helped me a lot as well. If you want to help me with some of my other redrafts I'd be happy for you to email me, my address is ... but it's up to you. ;)

Mint Green Lauren: Are you okay? I miss you. Please text, call or email me, let me know how you are and if you want to meet up some time... I haven't forgotten you yet! (())

Catmint: Check out the new name ;) And yeah, sure you can kill him... :P

She-Elf4: I'm sorry, I just had to steal that quote... I might mish it around a bit though. The mother says it to Snape when they have a heart-to-heart... oops, plotline...! Well, not really a preview, I might cut that bit anyway.

TigerLily713: I try to mimic JKR's style, I love the way her scenes flow into one another.

Everybody else who took the time to review: Thank you :) I haven't had a bad review for this, and that surprises me on reading it back, but anyway. I promise this story has not died. Thanks a lot for anybody who's stuck to the story long enough to be reading this! And if you have been following this, sorry it's not a proper chapter :(

Right... I need some sleep now. Caffiene pills only work for so long!! 9.9 So once again, if you've been following the and you're reading this now, thanks for your loyalty! I expect everyone to have given up on poor little abandoned Sevvie by now.  
Amy 


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